By Stephanie Ellis-Smith and Janell Turner

Love is in the air! Valentine’s Day approaches and we are preparing to open our wallets for roses, candies, and nights out (masked or maybe delivery). While that’s all fine, we’d like to use the time to talk about a different kind of love. The ancient Greeks had at least eight or nine words for love. The most well known are eros (romantic love), agape (the highest form of love that is unconditional and spiritual) and philos or philia (brotherly love or friendship).

Philia is the love between equals who share goodwill toward each other, the root of the word philanthropy. Ancient Greeks defined this deep feeling of friendship to include loyalty, the sharing of emotions (both good and bad), and a sense of shared sacrifice. Philia is a virtuous, intimate companionship that in its highest and best form, can describe philanthropy. It’s that aspirational sentiment that informs the name of our boutique advisory and the premise by which we operate. Though our work is only with donors, we are extremely conscious of the roles and balance between the givers and the beneficiaries they wish to serve. But philanthropy is in the midst of a period of profound change. Post 2020, managing that balance is no longer enough. We saw that the basic systems of governance, health, and justice that we assumed would support us and nurture us instead failed us. Givers and philanthropic professionals alike took hard assessments of themselves and decided that to do our part in repairing these systems, a bigger, greater love was needed.

Perhaps instead of philia, it is agape, the selfless, unconditional love for the entire world: neighbors, strangers, everybody is a better expression of our hopes/desires for philanthropy. Existing on the spiritual plane, it is the highest form of love – and the one in shortest supply in today’s society. Empathy fuels agape; it is given freely without any desires, expectations, or judgment.

We’ve begun to see this kind of self-sacrificing love take root in the world of philanthropy, particularly within the realm of donor-beneficiary relationships. Donors are beginning to seek authentic relationships with beneficiaries where open, honest, and transparent conversations can take place. They are letting go of some of the limiting norms and narratives regarding performance, outcomes, reciprocity, and recognition that have defined traditional philanthropy. They are more focused on and curious about systemic flaws in society rather than their manifestations and are willing to experiment with new ways of giving. Most importantly, they are beginning to acknowledge their inherent power as givers and make room for others at the decision-making table.

This agape framework defines our hope for philanthropy in the future and where we at Phīla believe philanthropy is headed. In our client conversations, we’re diving deeper into the “why” and “for whom” of their giving with less emphasis on the “how” and “what” as leading strategies.

Put into practice, this approach to philanthropy may be expressed through the six Trust-based Philanthropy principles aimed at advancing equity, shifting power, and building mutually accountable relationships:

Offer multi-year, unrestricted funding
Do your homework first
Be transparent and responsive with your beneficiaries
Streamline your required paperwork
Solicit and accept feedback on your practices
Offer support beyond the check

We acknowledge that it’s not easy making these shifts, but the times are asking us to reevaluate past practices with the hope that we will forge a new path forward. Will it be a success? No one knows, but we do know that (quoting The Great One, Wayne Gretzsky) “you miss one hundred percent of the shots you don’t take”. Taking a shot might mean getting out of your comfort zone and plunging into the unknown where the highest expression of love and vulnerability intersect. It might mean taking risks and accepting whatever losses that come with letting go. But what is there really to lose? We challenge you to confront your assumptions about your role as a giver and incorporate the spirit of agape into your philanthropic practice. If you would like to learn more or want support in incorporating these principles in your giving, let’s talk. Happy Valentine’s Day!